Nice Girls Don't Wear Cha-Cha Heels

Big Gay Road Trip

notonchristmas — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 05:57:05 +0000

Right now, I’m writing from a luxurious, non smoking, ground level room at the Super 8 hotel in Independence, Missouri. Complete with HBO, SHOWTIME, and free WIFI.

Unfortunately, there are no cups in the room, which is a bit of a let-down, to be honest.

This marks the second day of a road trip that my mom and I decided to undertake over winter break. We were pretty ambitious at first and thought we would journey across the country. Later, we thought maybe to just Arizona or New Mexico. In the end we decided we would just go to Kansas City, but goddamn it, we would stop at every antique mall along the way. Also, there would be pie.

So far, there hasn’t been much in the area of pie, but it’s entirely possible that I’ll have an aneurism if I see another antique mall within the next 12 hours. I think my dog feels the same way.

I have, however, acquired some pretty swank records from our multiple antique shop stops.

For instance:

Billy Idol – Rebel Yell

Led Zeppelin – III

Styx – The Grand Illusion, Kilroy Was Here

Frankie Goes To Hollywood – Relax

Ghostface Killah – Fishscale

Etc…

Some interesting things that have happened thus far on the trip that may or may not be directly related to my dog:

1) Both desk clerks at the motels we’ve stayed at have excitedly run up to my dog and talked to her in baby voices.

2) Some crack addict at petco (I mean it, she was a straight-up crack addict. I could tell because she had terrible hair and she clearly didn’t know how to use mascara) looked at my dog and randomly screamed ‘FAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!’ at the top of her lungs. It was awkward.

3) I guess I don’t really have a number three.

Tomorrow, we are going to the Nelson-Atkins art museum and Urban Outfitters because, clearly, my mom and I are raging hipsters.

OMG 2K11

notonchristmas — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 06:54:08 +0000

Alright, well, to be perfectly honest, this is probably going to turn out to be a complete piece of shit. That tends to be the end result of most of my creative endeavors. And when I say creative endeavors what I am naturally referring to is any and all activities that aren’t related to me watching Nip/Tuck or updating my Facebook status.

Or, you know updating my Twitter.

I can also successfully make Kraft dinner.

I guess that’s more of an iffy one, since sometimes I add to much milk.

Or sometimes too little.

You know, it might be going too far to say that I can successfully make Kraft Dinner.

New Year’s Resolution: Perfect the art of making Kraft Dinner.

See, this is why things like this never end well for me, because I set out to write an entry about The New Year and about how I want to write more and document my life, and all of this bullshit about how I want to be able to look back at how far I’ve come and so and and so forth.

But it ends with me wanting to talk about how great Kraft Dinner is.

The thing is, it’s seriously great. It’s amazing.

Incredible, really.

I really can’t even tell you how crazy I am about Kraft Dinner.

Jesus Christ, I need to get some Kraft Dinner.

in which i set intention.

notonchristmas — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 08:00:12 +0000

i intend to write a blog. here.